you have to choose: penises or morals?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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