A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Less talking, more tequila
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
