So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
