He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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