just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
