so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
