I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I cut my penus on the lid.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
