Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
We have so much sex to catch up on
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
