I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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