I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
