Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
