I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
