You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Non-Jews are for practice
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
