yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
