why didn't you poke me back
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
