its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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