happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
My cat gives me a boner
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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