I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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