I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
