After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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