You just made me feel so damn special
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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