I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
