i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
