i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
