I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
