Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
