Just mADE A PArabola og urine
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
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