I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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