I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
