Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
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