in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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