Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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