Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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