Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
