It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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