his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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