there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
