I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
COCAINE IS GR8
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
