carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
