I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
