i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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