i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
is wine microwaveable?
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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