My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
he thought i was a dude.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Randomize
