Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
