Fine. I'll sleep in my office
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
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