What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
