I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Randomize
