Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Vodka?
Forever.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
