One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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