I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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