i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
