and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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