his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
