omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
